your coldness makes me numb

tadi pas gw bangun gw langsung nyalain bb gw buat melihat reply-an facebook dan ternyata udah dibales. gw wall-to-wall sama dia sampe akhirnya berujung chat.

pas udah chat gw ngomong kalo gw seneng chat sama dia karena ngebikin gw lupa sama masalah gw yg kemaren kemaren. dia langsung diam dan dingin (menurut gw)

salah ya gw ngomong gitu ke lo?

tapi pas gw ngomong kangen, lo terlihat senang dan santai.

sekarang gw mesti gimana? tolong jangan diemin dan ninggalin gw

did you know that i really regret my action back then?

sekarang gw berharap dengan amat sangat lo ada disini bareng gw, nemenin gw, ngeliat gw, dan dengerin semua curhatan gw.

i wish you're here. i miss you.

new quote

SEPIK LO KUAT ALIBI LO PERMANEN

songs and emptiness

baru bangun gw karena hawa kamar dingin dingin gimanaa gitu haha. gw lagi suka banget sama albumnya demi lovato yg here we go again. hampir 1 album menunjukan perasaan gw yang sekarang. tapi saat ini gw bingung kenapa perasaan gw kosong banget. empty like a blackhole with no end atau mungkin gw belom nemu akhirnya. perasaan gw galau banget suka keflashback dulu. semakin diinget semakin sakit dan kosong. ampe sekarang gw belom nemu yang bisa ngalihin pikiran gw. mungkin karena gw mikirin relationship gw dulu dan ya menurut gw dulu deep banget. kalo ga deep gw ga bakal mikirin banget kan. rasanya gw pengen teriak teriak biar bisa ngeluarin penat dari ratusan masalah yang dibenak gw. ampe sekarang kalo abis shalat gw selalu mikirin kenapa gini kenapa gitu kok bisa ya ada apa. selalu gt. 1 hal yg pasti gw udah sangat sabar ngadepin lo tapi gw belom bisa ikhlas dengan ketentuan Allah SWT dg disakitin sama lo. gw sekarang cuma bisa berusaha semaksimal mungkin ngelupain semua kenangan itu dan mengikhlaskan semuanya. yang bisa gw pikirin cuma kejahatan yang pernah lo lakuin ke gw bukan kenangan indah dari lo. itu semua udah gw bakar dan tinggal menunggu api padam

G

haha jadi gw lagi suka cowo berinisial G. gw cuma tau mukanya karena sering gw liat dan gw bertanyatanya siapakah dia haha. akhirnya gw tau namanya siapa dan kelas mana. gw perhatiin dia ganteng, baik, rajin shalat, dan ramah sepertinya. sayang,lo berteman sama anak anak yg pernah ngeganggu gw. kemaren sebelum gw kepim sama temen temen, gw ngomong sama adrian soal G dan menghasilkan percakapan:
D : yan gw sukaaa sama G
A : deketin lah dem
D : lo nanya nanya ga sama dia?
A : udah gw kasi tau kok lo suka dia
D : HAAAA??!!
A : iya gw ga ngasi tau nama kok cuma memberi hint
D : apa aja?
A : gw ngomong kalo ada yg suka sama dia anak sini. gw nyuruh dia cari aja. terus besokannya dia ngomong sama gw kalo dia ga nemu. terus gw bilang "lo cari cewe yg suka ngumpul gt terus perhatiin salah satunya ada yg ngeliatin dan merhatiin lo terus.
D : ADRIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!
jadi itu yg gw keselin sama temen temen cowo gw, selalu bocor soal ginian. ga dulu ga sekarang sama aja haha. gw ga berani deketin dia gw pemlyuu (pada ga percaya gt ckck) temen temen gw nyuruh gw ngeadd fb dia tadinya pengen gw add tapi ga jadi. berhubung kemaren dia ngegap-in gw ngeliatin dia nyali gw langsung ilang . semoga dia deketin gw Ya ALLAH amin. gw sukaaaaa dan ingin mengenal G hihi

stop and stare and i will moving on

omg omg on 31th oct 09 aka yesterday around 11pm-12am was the best day ever! from gossiping and have fun with 2010! and yeah the 'it' topic was talked about SB and B (A),FAR,HD,and Snakes! i was eating at sushitei with quinta,uma,phr,manyu,nurul,mawar,dea. well my friends was so shocked hearing that i was the victim from all the gossip. it's like my life is a gossip girl (but i wanna be blair waldorf though <3) and last night i think i have to stop talked more about them to myself and everybody. i know i can't keep it myself but it was a mistake though spread it to everyone. well i wanna stop 'cause it's not healthy for me to stay or stuck with this problem. dude i got a life haha. so now i'm trying to erase this painful feeling and finding the right guy! i went to antic (i spell it right rite?) with girls manda,quinta,novel and boys jawir,aji,gilang,chitoy,dono,bacin,yosua,binar,leo. it was soooo sucks i mean guys that event was so crappy with the building and PWG. the people in there was bored i think. i don't like PWG maybe i don't like the genre. the sound was so loud we can only hear the music not the vocal. kinda dissapointed but pretty satisfied with netral performance! garuda di dadaku is the best song ever after bendera from cokelat! many cute guys in there buahaha. btw thanks jawir for the lift and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! maybe later i'll post our pict the gossip-ers haha. you-know-what my G guy was noticed that i am in like with him!! crappy! why does the person always know that i like him ?!! and always half-hearted toward me. so in love with 2010 <3 and i have a new mission and hopefully it will be accomplish! i'm gonna make GLD2010 become solid like the boys! wish me luck
xoxo

morning

hey world! woke up around 5.30 am and rite now i'm waiting for my lift haha but before i tell you what was my thoughts about my love life, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FIRST SISTER WISH YOU ALL THE BEST AND HOPE ALL OF YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE. hihi and this night might be happy halloween! kay my morning begin with Pendalaman Materi @ my school around 7.30 but idc i wanna come late. but yeah the thoughts about UAN is haunting me more and more. kay skip that. i wanna tell you about my thoughts this morning. i think i'm in love with my friend call it O. he's kinda clumsy but trustworthy. he's actually was my bf xfling. well i know about how he treated my bf back then. i haven't make up my mind but aah dunno. i don't know if like him, lust, or just friends. yup this morning i'm not having breakfast again and again. why on earth does my mom so lazy to make her daughters breakfast?

the bastard

so before i write down the code of your name or maybe you think it's you then i won't say i'm sorry.shit for you

jadi jadi haha gw dulu suka sama cowo anggap A. yg namanya suka amat sangat dulu pas kelas 2 beeh gw ampe deketin semua temennya yg alhasil gw menyatukan mafia dan ladies. setelah badai dan terjal segala rintangan halah lby gw, gw berhasil jadi gf nya dia. well ga penting ya gw tulis pas masa pdkt walaupun indah,tanggal jadian. pas gw jadian yah sering berantem tapi ga menghilangkan rasa sayang gw kedia malah makin sayang. gw ga ngerti karna apa dia tiba tiba berubah 180derajat dari yg gw kenal. ngabarin kalo ngerasa perlu,ga cerita apaapa sama skali. dan akhirnya gw diputusin sama dia dg alasan "orang tua tidak menyetujui pacaran kami" kalo mau ngomongin ga setuju ya nyokap gw dari awal ngamuk terus ampe gw putus baru berenti. gw ga pernah terbesit kalo bakal mutusin dia karena nyokap gw selalu marahmarah karena pacaran sama dia (different religion). ya selama 1 bulan sesudah putus gw terombangambing masih mikirin,sms dan segalanya seperti dulu. akhirnya gw memutuskan buat stop. gw lagi diposisi labil, tidak sehat karena menyakiti diri sendiri dg berhubungan sama mantan seperti pacaran dulu. i know i gotta stop and erase this feeling even if it takes 2 months idc. i just have to go and moving on. akhirnya gw biasa aja sama dia dan disaat gw pengen berteman sama dia tiba tiba gw ngerasa dan tau sesuatu. kalo dia deket sama cewe ya temen gw itu (cuma tau nama sih). pas si A lg labil sama gw,sepertinya A selalu curhat sama temen gw ini. feeling gw ngomong cewe ini tau apa yg ga gw tau. setelah banyak saksi mata dan bukti yg terlihat dan kasat mata, gw menyimpulkan kalo mereka berdua jadian but backstreet. intinya gw ngerasa sebelum gw putus ada dalangnya. temantemannya mendukung mereka jadian lho. jujur ya kalo lo berdua baca blog ini lo pasti tau kan kalo gw benci lo dan gw ga peduli mau lo ngelabrak gw atau nyumpahin gw. tolong sadar diri yg munafik siapa yaaw. tenang aja gw punya kehidupan kok ga akan mati kalo lo pergi. gw malah sangat senang lo pergi jadi ga ada yg nyusahin dan ngebebanin gw. setelah 4 bulan lebih akhirnya gw bisa bernapas dg lega. ga usah ditutupin kalo udah jadian oke semua org disekolah udah ada tau kok. awet awet ya semoga ampe nikah but before i say a little pray for you, i wish you the worst with your life dude. untuk waktu yg lama saya akan membenci anda. you know karma is still exist rite?

10 PM

it's night and i'm busy with my new blogy i wanna tell you 'bout everything that i felt lately. how the-known-face-friends stabs me, a-boy-who-was-cheating-on-me with that girl, lessons, school time and many more but maybe not tonight ah dunno but rite now there's one guy who actually presistent wants to be in my mind haaa love life is so complicated sometimes you're up up and away and then you just lost balance and hit the ground or even mud. maybe tomorrow i'll tell you 'bout saturday night haha
ciao!